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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Lauren's Free Advice: Wash Your Child


People with children tend to get angry when I blog about parental flaws. I like to think that I write about such exaggerated issues that if it applies to you, you likely deserve the embarrassment.

While in high school, I had a teacher that had some of the most filthy children in the history of Earth. The finger paints from today's art project became next week's guessing game: Is that brown paint or did she just wipe her butt with her hand again? Some questions just shouldn't have to be asked.

One day, as this particular teacher walked to the on-site daycare for the teacher's kids, I heard her say "Wow... I can tell you haven't had your bath this week!" And whose fault is that?! Granted, I'm not a parent, so maybe I'm missing something... but I'm pretty sure bathing should happen a bit more often than once a week, no matter how old you are.

Sorry to say it, but most kids are pretty gross. They lick things they shouldn't, eat stuff off the floor, and pick parts of their bodies that should go unexplored in public. Being a severe germaphobe, my best advice is to keep your dirty child away from me. I cannot be held responsible for force feeding your child Purrell after witnessing him eat a piece of furry candy off the sidewalk.

Let the hate mail begin.

~Lauren

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