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Friday, October 9, 2009

Agreeing to Agree: David Letterman Scandal

Occasionally while skimming through the possible topics for our Good Cop/Bad Cop topics we stumble on to a topic that we can't help but agree on. Though we take turns attempting to play devils advocate on a regular basis occasionally we are unable to find any logic what so ever in the opposing parties argument, even enough to mock it profusely. We like to call these moments Agreeing to Agree. This is basically were we mock all parties involved, particularly the people on the opposing side of the fence. This is one of those times where we caught our selves "Agreeing to Agree."

David Letterman recently outed himself to his viewers as a morally lose, skirt chasing boss, that thwarts off black mail attempts by airing out his own laundry on national television. Americans were shocked and speech less as they listened to him drudge on about his reckless marital affairs and him having much to make up for to his newlywed wife of seven months.

Poor woman. I don't know which aspect of this is more embarrassing for her. The fact that he waited seven whole months to get caught defecating on his marital vows or that she got cheated on by someone that makes the average woman's insides shrivel and dry up quicker then the thoughts of a homeless man with scabies. I can only hope and pray that she is in it for the money because if the love of her life is unattractive and unfaithful she may decide to chase a few hundred Ambien pills with a bottle of Grey Goose, and nobody wants that on their conscience.

As someone that is opposed to practically nothing. I don't really have a problem with extramarital affairs. I believe that the good majority of the time the woman is aware of her beaus wandering tendencies and the beau is just enjoying the fact that his spouse allows him to wander. At least until feelings get involved and then things get really confusing. If nothing else these sort of affairs make for interesting bar brawls, and gossip. Add an angry jealous streak, an ex mistress that refuses to be shamed out of going anywhere, and a drunk mouthy wife and I am thoroughly entertained.

Anyway. Kudos to you Letterman. You stood your ground and kept your millions. Sure this may have resulted in the embarrassment of your beloved wife. But lets be honest, if you considered her in the least or were concerned with her being embarrassed, you wouldn't have been passing around your penis as frequently as inter office memos. I am just amazed that you found yet another woman that was willing to have sex with you. I honestly don't think that I would be able to stomach such a stomach curdling challenge. At least not unless it was from the back, blindfolded, with Gerard Butler coaching me enthusiastically, all while clutching the million dollars that you payed me. Even then I would probably still need a bucket and a cold wash cloth to fight off the waves of nausea. But that's just me.


And maybe it's just me, but I'd likely be the face of this Letterman scandal, had I only the chance. I apparently have a thing for dads, especially if they are old enough to be mine. I don't understand what the shock of this situation is. He's a public figure that refused to marry his long time girlfriend until he knocked her up. I get it, he probably thought at his age he was shooting blanks in the sperm department. I'd like to think that he promised to marry her only under pregnant circumstances, thinking his little soldiers wouldn't march. Well... joke was on you, David. Now, you're at least 93 with a child young enough to be your grandchild.

I can't say I condone it, but I also can't blame you for playing around on your wife. My guess is you'd do just about anything to feel young again. Or at least 50. If there is an office full of young broads that are easy and opportunist enough to get naked for their boss, I say go for it. I just hope you wore a condom. Unlike the vows you made to your wife, AIDS is real.



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