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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Cheap Shots: Short People

I ran into an old friend the other day. She looked great; she had just had a baby and lost all the gross motherly weight. Until then, I had never noticed just how short she was. That is, until she went in for the awkward hug. Where do you put your hands on a person that barely looks your vagina in the face? I always struggle in the format in these types of situations. I'm entirely too lazy to bend down too far. Yet if I don't, you're unable to breathe with a mouth full of boob.

Short people freak me out, plain and simple. The little fingers, clothing that looks fresh off of a Buddy Doll, and shoe sizes I couldn't fit when I was a toddler-- none of it sits right with me. I don't trust them; what are you doing all the way down there under everyone's natural line of vision? I tip my hat to the little Asian girls that wear high heels even with their sweatpants in an effort to compensate for their limitations.

I once dated a guy shorter than me. The relationship could not reach it's full potential considering that as a 5'9" female, I reserve the right to bounce on my lap and tickle anyone that is smaller than me. Apparently, that's not conducive to a healthy relationship or letting a man feel like a man. Oh well, you live and you learn.


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