Cheap Shots- Tyra Banks

"But for some reason, every time I looked at her, I never saw a model. I saw something closer to a club hopping drag queen. She's naturally pretty, despite her forehead, so the additional layer of makeup along with the unconvincing weaves were just frustrating. After all, she is 5'10". The dangerous combination of height, weaves, too much makeup and stripper shoes screams drag queen. I'm an inch shorter than her and I shy away from anything with a heel higher than flip flops."

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Melissa's Free Advice What Not To Do Regarding Break Ups

"I can't even began to tell you how many of my girlfriends have made me hold their phone and made me promise not to let them call him discovering the next morning that my phone was apparently hijacked. This only results in my number being saved as "Crazy Ex DONT ANSWER2" and me shrugging apologetically the next time I run into your ex beau at two for one."

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Lauren's Free Advice: Stop Asking Post-Breakup Questions

"Either way, you don't deserve that and they are total assholes for cheating. Just don't ask those questions. Take the recent snub and keep living your life with the last shred of dignity you have left. Key his car, sleep with his best friend, email his church those kinky pictures he took wearing nothing but a crucifix and the Bible... do whatever you have to in order to feel better about yourself without the use of foolish inquiries. It's pretty likely they will lie to you anyway."

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New to Melissa Camel Toe Imprisonment

"'Tight pants' woman jailed for not paying fine"

(CNN) -- A woman put on trial for wearing clothing deemed indecent by Sudanese authorities was jailed Monday for refusing to pay a court-ordered fine, her lawyer said.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/09/07/sudan.journalist.pants.lashing/index.html

"What were you thinking? Two hundred and nine dollars versus 30 days, are you out of your fucking mind? Even kids in sweat shops make more than that in a month. Do you not realize in choosing jail, you loose money too, by way of not being able to incur income. From my experience your even likely to loose your job. Good job Dummy. How will you afford more slutty clothes now? SMH"

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Entertainment Review: 650 lb. Virgin

"Luckily for one girl out there, David decided to wait until he finds his wife before he has sex. Great, now she has to wait until she gets a ring before she fakes her way through the "It's OK... it happens to everyone" pep talk. I have to give it to him, he's smart. This way she has to go through years of legal battles to forget her worst sexual mishap, rather than the typical strategy of simply changing your phone number."

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How We Got This Name...

"Lauren realized that the banter that she and Melissa was having was the stuff dreams were made of; it needed to go public. So she updated her Facebook status to "I'm trying to figure out who will give us a reality show". After a few comments, Lauren's mom decided to chime in. In an attempt to continue making fun of Lauren's "kinds of days" Lauren's mom said, "It's a Melissa, Lauren kind of show (still making fun of Laur)". So that very weekend, Melissa and Lauren sat in a bar... Lauren drinking a Sprite, Melissa sipping a beer. It was then that they started making plans to create a blog that gave us a chance to publicly mock the things that we once mocked privately. The title Melissa decided to go with... "It's a Melissa, Lauren Type of Thing."

"Talk Shit, Get Hit!" LaGerrette Blount vs. Byron Hout

"Talk Shit! Get Hit!" as an avid supporter of this type of jail house mentality its needless to say that I was very entertained by the video showing LaGarrette Blount, running back for Oregon donkey punching the Boise's defensive end Byron Hout after their devastating loss.
(Refer to You Tube Link Below)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_EmVrLFrLs

"Obviously it sucks to be Blount. I feel for him. His uncontrollable temper while sexually arousing, isn't exactly helpful when dealing with people in positions of authority. His career is over but at the end of the day it's apparent that he doesn't put up with any shit...from anyone. Unfair....maybe. A complete result of his own stupidity? It is decidedly so."

Good Cop (Melissa)/Bad Cop (Lauren)- Dane Cook

"Don't be too hard on him people, at one point he really was quite entertaining. Just think of him how I do. It's kind of how boxing fanatics think of Mohamed Ali, minus all the love and adoration. While he was once entertaining and gifted at his craft it has become painfully obvious that he is no longer in "fighting form." It's cool Dane, no big deal just don't be the Brett Farve of stand up. Learn to bow out gracefully because right now the most entertaining portion of your comedy is seeing others mock it profusely. "

"Good Cop"

"I still have no idea how he became famous. I don't even know who to blame for his fame, but I guess I'll start with Melissa for going to several of his shows. If I could give him any feedback on how to not suck so bad, I'd let him know that just because you move really fast and talk really loud, doesn't mean what you're saying is funny." "Bad Cop"

A Tale of Concern- Last Call Hook Ups

"Let me just start off by saying that I am a big fan of men. Love em. I understand them. I accept them. I find their logic and vagina hunting extremely entertaining. I wouldn't change them for the world. It concerns me however that women for the most part know about as much about the male psyche as my ninety-two year old grandmother does about dildos. Of course by concerned, I mean I find great amusement in this fact."

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Our Concerns- Animal Craze

"After Hurricane Katrina, a friend of friend was near tears when looking at all the destruction. Not because of all the human life that was lost, instead she kept sniffling and mumbling, "What's going to happen to all the animals? Poor animals!". Call me crazy, but my eyes focused more on the HUMAN BEING that was now creating a home on the roof of his neighbor's house, waiting for food or a ride to more stable ground."

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Cheap Shots -Whitney Houston

"Whitney Houston Is Fierce, Flaky On 'Good Morning America'"
"Houston strode onstage to "Bill," shouting "I love you!" to her fans during the song's opening lines, but midway through the track, her voice began to waver, and she spent the remainder of the song thrusting the microphone into the crowd, urging her fans to help her sing the chorus. "
see more of article @ http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1620642/20090902/houston_whitney.jhtml

"I mean as long as she doesn't go on stage with a rubber band tied securely around her forearm and a needle in her arm I don't see what the real problem is. Id prefer she not grip the glass pipe tightly during performances or lift her head triumphantly after an encore flashing the white residue caked to her right nostril but I suppose I would be able to come up with some sort of explanation to tell my eight your old niece gazing at me curiously."

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Cheap Shots- Duggar Family

"After the 5th child, someone should have started dropping subtle hints by anonymously leaving condoms in their mail box. It's time to stop playing games, she needs to get her tubes tied immediately. Hopefully she'll realize that when this child dives out of her vagina like Michael Phelps, mumbling, "No need to push mom... I got this."

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Melissa's Free Advice: Weekend Getaways

"On one hand she wants to tell the gentlemen that once was voted "most likely to get the chance to pillage her vagina" to fuck off and inform him never to call her again. At the same time she can't help but nervously eye the rope, strange bottle of pills, and the bucket filled with lotion in the corner of the room. Maybe grinning and bearing it for a couple of days is worth being able to actually return home with out having to endure years of therapy and explain to her friends why at 25 she still wets the bed."

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Lauren's Free Advice: Kourtney Kardashian

"This free advice is actually more directed at Kourtney Kardashian's unborn child: It's probably best that you get your umbilical cord securely around your neck and pray for a stillbirth. Do it quick, you only have a few months before you're born and you realize the family you're being born into."

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