"If I wanted to be boringly bitter, I would have settled down and married the first guy I dated out of high school. You know, not the one I really fell for, the other one. The one I could have treated like shit and gotten to support me and however many kids I decided to poop out. If I wanted to pack my car full of ruder mini versions of myself I wouldn't have popped morning after pills as if they were Pez. If I wanted to hate my job and myself for having to wake up ridiculously early every morning, I would have settled into a more traditional form of employment."
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